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Christian campign to free tibet
My Life Of Sin
I'm not saying that the Devil doesn't set things up pretty bad for all of us. I know that there are many christians out there who have had bad start outs, but I know how he set my life up.
At an early age- before I was 5 years old, my father left my mother, seperated. Where we stayed and lived in Canada, my father left for Austrailia. Writing this now I feel the pain and the agony of it. I didn't feel it when I was 5 years old though. Funny how that is when you are a child you don't notice the pain of things, but when you are much older, you realize an event was painful.
But that wasn't the biggest thing that happened in my life. You may think, wow- a divorce is the most painful and devestating thing that the Devil can use to ruin lives. But that is not how he devestated me.
The most important fact about me, is that my family is the most unforgiving family you can ever meet. UNLESS you are exactly what they want, they don't have any respect for you. Well I had something that they didn't want, I should say I did something that they didn't want. For many years in my life I was a bed wetter. And I don't mean, it was when I was 6 or 7 years old when I stoped, I mean it wasn't till my Grand Father died when I was 19 did the situation fix itself.
Of course not fitting into their expectations of me, I fell. Every child needs to be unconditionally accepted, not- if you wet the bed again, you're not allowed to stay with us anymore- us being my Grand Father, Grand Mother, and Aunt Pat.
Since I didn't have an accepting family, and there was no person who was a Christian in my life, I fell into sin, and it's a sin that I have to fight tooth and nail even today, from it overtaking me, and ruining my life. I became addicted to Pornography. I first became addicted to Pornography when I shoplifted a magazine of pornography. I was around 14 years old, I'm not sure how old I was, but I stole one magazine. I was excited and thrilled at seeing the sinful acts.
The addiction had me shoplift 3 more copies of Pornography till I was 18. I then started to buy magazines of Pornography by going out late at night, and buying a copying of my favorite porno magazines. That way my mother would not see me buy them.
I was throughly addicted, and my life was going to hell fast. You see, soon after I entered high school, where I was a social outcast, I left school, so I could play computer games, and look at pornography.
When my Grand Father died, perhaps god kept in steep with me, because minutes before he died the first time, I prayed for god to keep my grand father alive, and if he did I would give my life to him. My grand father was kept alive for 3 more days, before god took him home.
I made the decision to go back to school. And because of all the ridicule I had in the past, I said to myself, I am going to make everybody in the world eat their words about me, and I'm going to become an important person in this world. I am going to learn how to make my life the best I can.
When I got back to school, my first semestar I got a total of 85% average, and I was on the honor roll(it was called the Above 80% list at my school!). A few people who knew me before I dropped out who still went to school went up to me saying, "Wow Mark, you got on the 80% list. That's great. I never knew you were so smart." I felt like I was on top of the world.
And when I entered the second semestar, I meet one man, who said I should have a deeper relationship with god, and who was wise, and I loved talking to the man. It reminds me of a scripture I recently heard, if you walk with wise men, then you too will be wise. I started to learn new things from this man, and I challanged myself in his class, first to read the one book that no other person would read, so I could be better then them, and the best I could be.
Of course this just expanded my 'Great' feeling, made me feel superior to the other kids. I scoffed at things my fellow students said and did. I was better then they were after all. This is one of the greatest sins a person can commit.
Thinking back to it, now with my Christian eyes, I was the angry mob of people ready to stone anybody who I saw as not as 'perfect' as me, and everybody else was the person ready to be stoned. Why do I use this kind of anology, because it would be Jesus himself who would stand between me and my classmates, and say- before you say anything, before you think anything, before you do anything- you must live your life without sin. At the time I felt I was perfect, but now I can see I wasn't. In fact anybody who thinks or acts like they are perfect, it is that in itself that makes them unperfect.
This lead me into more problems, as I started to Take the things I wanted. The most important thing I wanted at my second year back, and would take me a long time to deal with, was a Girl. I wanted her, not because I loved her, I thought so, but because she would be a great trophy for me. LOOK who I am dating- and gloat to everybody.
Of course when I tried to get her, she rejected me, and called me things that because of my huge ego and pride, hurt me more then anything had ever hurt me before. My Grandfather dieing was easy compared to this. I was pretty much over his death in about a year, because I realized he was where he should be, and I was glad for him.
The wound stayed there for 2 years pretty well. It wasn't till I got angry, and I said so to her, did I get over the pain of her. It was then my belief in God's great plan came into my life. My vision of that great plan was very different then most christians, as it included Evolution and the Big Bang in it. You see I started to realize that Humans are very special creations in this creation, because we are the only life on earth created by god that can learn, understand, protect and love all the life of the earth, and that all life on earth was one entire entity, and that each part of that whole was special and should be taken care of, not exploited. The bible supports what I learned, but not where I learned it from. God said- take domion over the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, and the beasts of the land, and the things that creepeth on the earth. To me that meant- we are above them, but not above in power, but above them in responcibilities. To me, Responcibility is both a freedom, and a duty.
This image of the world was taking me right to where god wanted me to go, but still my addictions to pornography afflicted me. And I decided to protect and love the life of the world meant I had to give pornography up.
That was when a friend of mine from my past came back into my life, and I feel blessed that I know him. He showed me the way to Jesus, and I gave my life to Jesus and I haven't looked back since! Praise the LORD!